{"id":1148,"date":"2018-07-30T00:00:37","date_gmt":"2018-07-30T06:00:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.melaniebnewman.com\/staging\/9944\/?p=1148"},"modified":"2022-04-18T17:19:56","modified_gmt":"2022-04-18T23:19:56","slug":"why-we-so-easily-misunderstand-or-feel-misunderstood","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.melaniebnewman.com\/staging\/9944\/why-we-so-easily-misunderstand-or-feel-misunderstood\/","title":{"rendered":"Why we so easily misunderstand (or feel misunderstood)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Have you ever noticed how easily it is to misunderstand or misinterpret another person\u2019s words or actions?<\/strong><\/p>\n

I was listening to my husband give directions to one of our daughters over the phone. I could hear the frustration rise, on both sides, as the message being given was not the same one being received.<\/p>\n

And I had an epiphany!<\/p>\n

I realized two things that kept them from understanding each other <\/strong>and how these also affected my communications with others.<\/p>\n

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  1. We assume the other person thinks the same as we do.<\/li>\n
  2. We assume the other person has the same experiences and understanding as we do.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    As when my farmer husband, who grew up running equipment, tried to teach me to drive a motorbike. He couldn\u2019t understand why I wanted instructions broken down into specific steps when it was second nature to him.<\/p>\n

    Heidi Grant Halvorson, a social psychologist, explains that most people suffer from \u201cthe transparency illusion\u201d which is \u201cthe belief that what they feel, desire and intend is crystal clear to others, even though they have done very little to communicate clearly what is going on inside their minds.\u201d<\/p>\n

    The speaker \u201cmight not spend the time or effort to be as clear and forthcoming about their intentions or emotional states as they could be, giving the perceiver very little information with which to make an accurate judgment.\u201d<\/p>\n

    Also, many of us tend to be \u201ccognitive misers,\u201d lazy thinkers and we are content to trade off accuracy for speed in our perceptions.<\/p>\n

    It takes effort to communicate clearly.<\/h3>\n

    But the effort given throughout a conversation is energy well spent<\/strong>. It\u2019s more productive than time spent afterwards trying to clean up any misunderstandings.<\/p>\n

    Another factor that affects how well we communicate is that words have different meanings and associations for different people.<\/strong><\/p>\n

    I used to get annoyed when my husband would ask how I was doing and if I replied okay, would carry on with his day, content that all was well. And with his response I would think he didn\u2019t care.<\/p>\n

    Why the misunderstanding? Okay to him means the same as doing well. Okay to me means \u2013 Just okay. I\u2019ve been better. I\u2019m not doing so great. I need some sympathy. J<\/p>\n

    Words are powerful, and knowing that they mean different things to different people can go a long way in avoiding misunderstandings.<\/p>\n

    What\u2019s the solution?<\/h3>\n